Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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