At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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