We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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