Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
