I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
