Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
