Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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