We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
