Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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