You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
