Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
God, I missed his penis.
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