tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
