whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
