Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
