i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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