i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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