I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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