I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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