i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
