I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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