I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
