ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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