Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
