So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you had me at cake vodka
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
