So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
