I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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