im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
