A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
