just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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