The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
