mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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