i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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