Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
