So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize