Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
