drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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