Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
