Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
