just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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