I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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