took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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