im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
