hell yes lets make some ravioli
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
