No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
