help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
