I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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