did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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