I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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