Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
