Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
