When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
