I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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