the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
