Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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