It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
