My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I want to have your abortion
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
