wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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