Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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