Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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