If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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