Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
