Do you still have your period?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
