12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why did my mother make you get naked?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
